literature

lost

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Ash-Love's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

i feel lost,
lost in this nightmare,
lost in life,
lost in my soul,
the only way i can make this go away,
is to cut all of it away,
i am lost in my mind,
lost in the music,
lost in the silver blade,
i try to stop but i just keep goin,
but i like the scarlet blood,
im lost in your love,
lost in my dreams,
lost in everything in between
enjoy
© 2011 - 2024 Ash-Love
Comments2
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OldSchoolHipster's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

"Sitting in the probation officer's car, he waited to be taken back to the hall, never shocked, expecting this yet again..." is the impression I get upon impact.

A ward of the court at an early age, he was resolved to accept the fact that his youth was going to be spent in the never ending circle of group homes. At least he had those things he could rely on as an anesthetic

Though the vision is clear as a bell to me, which is only because I went through the same issues as a youth, whereas others have a 50/50 chance of misinterpretation because of the social stigma attached to a message like this.

A 3 is still fair, because it does address a segment of the population, which still serves the purpose of general social commentary. I would have liked to have seen a explanation in the description, attempting to give a more sober synopsis prior to the unaware reader taking the time to read. Depending on the exegesis in the description, I could have gone as high a 4 1/2 stars.

The topic itself is quite worn out both here at dA, and in society itself, but...

The author does a much better job at addressing the topic then most I have seen, and include more than one "escape", whereas most just focus on the cutting and the blood. As a former cutter myself, it was never about the narcissistic vision of the cutting, it was about escaping, which music and daydreaming were a big help in assisting the anesthesia of the cutting. Because the work is a bit more realistic in the personal sense, it is deserving of an extra star, raising it to a four, from the standard 3.

The technique is much better than most jumbled verse I have seen here, so it quickly gets a 4. I would have liked to have seen it go just a bit longer, another 4 lines would have gotten it another half-star. The author was on quite a roll here, but leaves the reader starving for just a bit more to digest, and relate to. Six more lines would have gotten a 5 in technique and another half-star in vision for at least "cluing in" the reader a bit.

Even though there are vision issues, the impact is a solid 5 for those that can relate to the writers vision. In the land of social commentary, "preaching to the choir" still carries a great benefit as long as those "getting it", are further motivated by it.

Overall it is a much better piece of work on this topic then I am used to seeing here, much more organization in the dissemination thought, resulting in a much more sincere piece of work.